By Kenneth M. Adams
Did you've got a guardian whose love for you felt extra confining than freeing, extra demanding than giving, extra instrusive than nurturing? Did you're feeling trapped in a "psychological marriage" with this guardian? if this is the case, you can be a sufferer of covert incest.
Identification of this sort of incest is tough, on account that covert incest victimrs frequently suppose idealized and privileged, now not violated and abused. In Silently Seduced, Dr. Adams, via illustrative case examples and perceptive perception, offers covert incest sufferers a framework to appreciate what occurred to them, how their lives and relationships stay affected and the way to start the method of recovery.
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Additional info for Silently Seduced: When Parents Make Their Children Partners
The child is compelled to play the surrogate partner because it is a gratifying source of self-worth in a family with little worth to share. Again, this pattern holds true in adulthood. If the coalcoholic is not in recovery, he invites and seduces a partnership with the child out of desperation to have needs met and to deny the reality of the progressing alcoholism. Alcoholic families are a true breeding ground for covert incest. Many heroes and responsible adult children have been its victims.
I decided early on I was going to show him I could be a better father than he ever was. Although I didn’t know it at the time, I was also working on being a better husband than he was—a role my mother always seemed to welcome. I took on my role dutifully and became more like a drill sergeant than a brother to my brothers and sisters. I made sure they did their homework, cleaned their rooms, and listened to Mom. When they wouldn’t listen to me, I’d yell and scream and sometimes hit them. Once, I spanked my younger sister for not washing the dishes.
Salvador Minuchin, in Families and Family Therapy, says the family system has a function or purpose of seeking to bring itself back into balance or stability when disrupted. So in the case of a marriage not bonded in a healthy way, the parents’ unmet dependency, intimacy, and emotional needs will be met by the rest of the system—the children. In a covertly incestuous relationship, the parent complains to the child about the difficulties in the marriage. The child becomes the parent’s confidante.