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Indd 45 8/2/07 8:07:42 AM 2 TESTING AND CONTINUED TRAINING The last chapter discussed the importance of intensity. This is a critical part of the training process. You have to be attentive, fi xed and concentrated upon her. Every interaction between the two of you should last as long as possible. Use your powers of persuasion to keep her from breaking off contact. indd 46 8/2/07 8:07:42 AM 2 Focused Manipulation It would be easy to assume that abusers get all of their information from trial and error—they figure out what works and just keep doing it.

These are harder to find in the Western world, but not impossible. indd 22 8/2/07 8:07:38 AM But He Says He Loves Me women are ‘asking’ to be abused, nor does it mean they have to accept poor treatment. It does require caution, however, because their traditions often give abusive men more disguises to hide behind. Here are just a few ways in which you might be vulnerable if you grew up in a traditional culture: • Traditional cultures often teach that men and women are basically different, with different needs and drives.

After she tells you all of her hopes, fears, dreams and experiences, do your best to convince her that the two of you as a couple will heal her hurts from the past. Make her believe the secret to getting everything she wants and values is having a relationship with you. Assure her that what she fears will not happen if she is with you. The more she wants to believe this and the better you are at convincing her, the more leeway you will have in the process of training her. Repeat it often until her resistance is gone.

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