Download Locked in a Violent Embrace: Understanding and Intervening by Zvi C. Eisikovits, Eli Buchbinder PDF

By Zvi C. Eisikovits, Eli Buchbinder

Representing a completely new method of household violence interventions, this booklet relies on facts gathered by way of the authors over the last 12 years from a sequence of qualitative stories and medical perform with battered girls and their batterers.

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Additional info for Locked in a Violent Embrace: Understanding and Intervening in Domestic Violence

Sample text

He never asked, What did you buy? What do we have? What do we need? When he's arguing, he gets angry, and I used to react by being afraid to talk to him about these topics. " The woman is silent because she knows from past experi­ ence that any attempt to communicate problems will only lead to more anger and resistance. Her fear to speak out and her subsequent silence is now reinterpreted by the man as an acknowledgment of guilt and hostile unwillingness to involve him in her struggle. When the man finds out that problems were hidden, he sees her reticence as "lies" and as intended to humiliate him.

I let him feel t h a t just as I was inferior t o h i m , he'll be a million times m o r e inferior. J u s t like I a m z e r o for h i m , he'll be z e r o for m e . L e t h i m feel w h a t I felt H e is t r y i n g t o kiss m e , hug m e , get close t o m e , and I w o u l d reject him because it really hurts m e and upsets m e . . After all he did t o m e , I w o u l d n ' t let y o u s o u r m y life, burn m e and then spill w a t e r o v e r m e . Her partner described the same process as follows: T h e t r u t h o f t h e m a t t e r is t h a t she c a l m s d o w n .

I think he's trying . . sud­ denly he's ready t o take m e o u t a n d stuff: "Let's g o o u t , let's g o t o a m o v i e . " T h a t ' s h o w I c a n tell that he's actually s o r r y a b o u t w h a t he did. T h a t ' s h o w he is able t o s h o w m e . The preceding quote includes both temporal and spatial dimensions as they are used by partners in the process of reconciliation. There is a process of mutuality and dialogue. " Yet by "coming close slow," he signals that he also knows her and is considerate of her needs.

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